Monday, August 14, 2006
The Eve of Something...Long



PROVO, UT--

September 5th, 2006 will find thousands of college students flooding into Provo, Utah's greatest city, to start another year of college education.

"It will be a great opportunity for us, as a department, to go back to what we do best- writing frivolous tickets to unsuspecting students, and breaking up harmless gatherings wherever we hear music," said Capitan Joel Brenson of the Provo Police Department.

"I'm excited because it's always a big morale booster for the guys when these kids come back and we have the opportunity to use our lights and sirens again. They're really pretty neat, you should see them when it's dark."

Not only does the return to school mean an exciting time for the Provo Police Department, but the booting companies also see an increase in activity and revenue.

"It's really great this time of year- we basically wait for students to show up to a parking lot and then we pounce. The best part is the money. It's a lot easier than going to college ourselves," said Matt Swenson, and employee at University Parking Unforcement." My boss gave me a bonus last year because I booted the most cars in a 3 hour period during one of the BYU football games. It was easy because there's really nowhere anyone can park within a 5 mile radius of the stadium...unless they happen to own a parking garage or something. I bought one of those new video iPods with the money."

As students breathe millions of dollars into the economy, local businesses breathe a sigh of relief.

Store owner Cathy Hinckam notes that "our grocery store couldn't survive without [the students], but my husband and I would never let them know that. After all- they do make our streets busier and it seems like every year their hair styles get crazier, their jeans have more holes, and they're basically making our lives hell for about 8 months... We did just add on to our house, though, business was pretty good last spring. So they're good for that. But not much else."

And finally, landlords across Utah County are gearing up their office staff to handle the checks flowing in from students in "BYU approved housing." Jean Drammup, manager of several apartment complexes near campus (including The Lodges at Glendale) is especially thankful for the influx of students each year.

"It's great. They basically have to live here- and they pay top dollar to do it. We charge about twice what you'd pay for a bare-bones apartment anywhere else in the state, but since we're BYU Approved, they're basically thanking us for the privilege. Of course, we do show our thanks to them as well- last year, we remodeled the outside of the buildings to make it look like the apartments inside were actually comfortable. In truth, they're the same as they were when we first built the place in 1972. Oh, and we give out free hotdogs and drinks once a year by the pool."

And so as Provo prepares to receive the students with open arms (and a bundle of citations, auto boots, and deposit slips), the students prepare for the warm welcome.

"What can I say?" asks Drew Gibson, a student from Seattle, WA. "We basically prepare by taking out student loans and getting [mentally] ready to take another one in the chops. All in the name of higher education. We'll pay a couple thousand on tuition, a few more thousand on housing, and a couple hundred on miscellaneous expenses like tickets, parking boots, and food. Then, they'll ask us for donations to build a new training center for the football team, and another donation to fund scholarships that will go to minorities. That's life in Provo. I'm not complaining though- they tell us it doesn't get any better than this."

How could it?
posted by Brett Crockett @ 12:45 AM  
8 Comments:
  • At 10:25 AM, Blogger Canadian Chick said…

    I think that is is the same pretty much everywhere. Maybe a bit different in Canada than in The United States. Very interesting to read, though.

    Did you bring back any bears?

     
  • At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am from Iran and things are pretty much the same here as well. One difference, I guess, is that last year when I parked illegally, instead of putting a boot on my car, the police cut off my ear and killed my dog.

     
  • At 2:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I had a friend who killed my dog once. We don't really hang out anymore, I hate him.

     
  • At 10:02 PM, Blogger Brett Crockett said…

    All dogs go to heaven...

     
  • At 7:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    except the small ones who think they are bigger than they are and that bark alot. they hang out with big rats in hell.

     
  • At 1:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    in my country, we a eat the dogs

     
  • At 9:56 PM, Blogger jm said…

    once I assisted my friend in selling his adorable little white dog. I would have purchased this perfect potential "best friend" myself but alas, I'm not allowed to keep a pet in my apartment.

     
  • At 11:04 PM, Blogger Brett Crockett said…

    Julie- if you'll recall, your "assisting" was considered copyright infringment (nigh unto kidnapping), and had you actually sold Maggie, you would have been charged with endangering a national monument.

    That being said, nice job on the flyers, I think I actually made $3.65 selling pictures of the cute little thing.

     
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